Sunday, May 10, 2009

How to Have a Really, Really, Really, Fun Sunday.......

First, decide that what you want most to accomplish this day is to put the ceiling back up in the schoolroom. (Taken down from a prior plumbing issue months back) Go in the schoolroom and look at the gaping hole to see how the wood will be put back up and notice a mouse skeleton hanging from the insulation. Scream at your husband to come get this gross thing out of your house. Get very panicky and worry that there are more hiding, just waiting to jump out at you.

Next, play Tetris with the tongue and groove pine boards trying to figure out how to piece the ceiling back together. Hold the boards in place on the ceiling until your arms turn to Jell-O. Then use the nail gun to put them up until it jams. Repeatedly. Put exactly 3 boards up until a nail punctures a small copper pipe and water gushes out everywhere. Like a geyser. Straight at your face. Temporarily forget how to turn the main water off while your husband is yelling, "Hurry up and turn the water off, Honey, turn the water off HONEY!!!" Then remember that you have to jump on the four-wheeler and speed to the end of the road to the water meter. By the way, who decided that it makes sense to put the water meter 400 yards from the house???

Now, you must go much faster than you really should on the four wheeler, in your pajamas, worrying that the school room will be flooded by the time you get back. When you get to the water meter, forget which way to turn it. Tell yourself, lefty loosy, righty tighty and then turn it to the left anyway. Speed back to the house and tell your poor husband (who has had his finger plugging the hole this whole time) that you cannot get it to turn off. Make him go turn the water off and assume hole plugging responsibilities.

While he is turning the water off, stand on your tippy toes to reach the hole and plug it the best you can. Which is really not very well. One finger does not do the trick, so press two fingers, one on top of the other on the hole and pray. A lot. Then, and this is key, make sure your arms get very tired and adjust them just the slightest millimeter, ensuring that the water spray will go in your arm sleeve, down your back and in your pants, making you remember what it feels like to wet yourself.

When your husband gets back, be just on the verge of tears and tell him how the water traveled down your backside and then laugh when you get to the soaked bottom part. Then have him take over water leak duties so you can go change.

On the way to your room to change, look at your barely 8-month-old kitten and realize she is getting a little fat. Pet her and feel lots of funny bumps on her tummy. Pick her up and see that she has very large and swollen mammary glands. Inspect her tummy and realize that she is pregnant. Stare in disbelief and wonder if she will be okay.

Drain all the water from your house and spend the next 4 hours fixing the hole in a copper pipe. Then, run outside and grab all your precious plants and bring them to safety while your daughter gets all the animals (2 dogs, 2 cats and 1 extra dog we are watching) because a massive storm is rolling in with 30 mph winds and really foreboding looking clouds.

Spend the remainder of the day in your pajamas and watching out the window praying that your vegetable garden won't be blown to smithereens.

That, my friends, is how you have a fun day.

1 comment:

BeachGirl said...

Oh my goodness! What a Mother's Day you had. I almost wet myself reading that. I am sorry about your day but what a story it makes. You won't forget this Mother's Day for a LONG time.