Monday, July 5, 2010

Won't you be my neighbor?

So, we have been living in this house for just about a year and a half. The only neighbors we have met have been the sweet old couple that lives about 800 yards across from us. He drives a school bus and is just the sweetest thing you could ever meet. He knows I home school and does not even give me any flack for it. His wife is a retired school teacher. He tells me I am doing the right thing by home schooling. That just knocks me on my arse. Usually, school teachers (and their minions) are the ones that give me the most trouble about my decision to home school my kiddos, so my sweet old neighbors are just way up there in my book of people I like. I think they have a perspective that most people "in the system" do not. They come over to give the kids suckers and warn me about suspicious people in the neighborhood. I just love them more than chocolate. I bring them eggs and veggies from my garden and tell them how much I adore them. I have a thing for old people.........that is a whole other post.... I do love these particular neighbors.

However, there is a dark side. I have other neighbors. These neighbors have never come to give the kids suckers, much less introduced themselves. Their dogs come over (3 of them) frequently to pee/defecate in my garden and chase my chickens. There are two football kickers....I mean....... terriers and one big Saint Bernard looking dog that could care less he is not on his own property. They run/lumber over and bark at me as if I am the one out of place and intruding on their space. Then, they chase my chickens and horses until I get my bee-bee gun and scare them off.

So, the owners of these dogs have witnessed many situations on this property that MAY have given them the wrong impression...Their property is through some trees and about 800 yards from our property line. The first time I noticed their "attention" was when I was chasing a pig that escaped it's pen around our property for 3 hours and I had lost any hint of civility, let alone manners. I was tired of trying to get the pig back in it's pen and was just at the end of my rope. I was cussing, and yelling and saying a whole bunch of things I know I shouldn't have but darn it!!! That pig was infuriating! I glanced across the property to see this particular neighbor just staring at me. I know he thought I was a lunatic. I had a horse whip in one hand, a lasso in the other and was screaming like a banshee. We won't even talk about the gun I was threatening to use or the nice man that had to come help me because my husband was waaaaaaaaay out of town and could do nothing to aleave my frustration.

Another time, the kids (all 3 of them) were on the trampoline and fighting about the rules of the particular game they were playing. Never mind the fact that they had been arguing ALL DAY or the fact that I sent them outside because the were driving me completely insane.........they still had to fight about who did what and what was not fair and who pushed who on the trampoline....I just lost it and started yelling at them........Only, who was hanging around but the neighbor across the way, listening to every evil hiss that came out of my mouth.......

Then, then......... there was yesterday....... It was the fourth of July. The day for celebrating and fireworks, pic nicks, friends and BBQs.......Sam, my elusive golden retriever had disappeared for a while. I did not think anything of it because he will often disappear and then show back up with turtles or a squirrels or just covered in mud. We live in the country, in the woods, by a creek. I was really not all that worried about him.

Unfortunately, he decided to pay a visit to our neighbors who were having a BBQ and disrupt their festivities. By disrupt, I mean steal all their BBQ, jump on the guests and make it totally impossible to enjoy their day. They put him in their truck and took him from neighbor to neighbor until they found his owners........Us.

I was in the middle of cooking our fourth of July BBQ fixings....At that particular moment, I was cutting up a watermelon when I heard an engine. Now, if you know me at all, you will know that people coming on to my property , unannounced just gets my panties in a wad. I don't like people coming here without notice and it makes me very nervous.

Which is why I have this sign posted on my driveway..

So, when the neighbors came over, speeding down my driveway, it put me in a bit of a tizzy. I went out with my butcher knife in hand (because I was just cutting up watermelon and the sound of a truck engine put me in a tizzy) I did not think clearly enough to put he knife down because my bubble had been breached!!!!!!

I went out to the truck, knife in hand to see what they wanted....They very quickly told me that they had this dog that was interrupting their BBQ and were trying to find the owners. Yep, it was my dog....I called him out of the truck and apologized.....I wished them well and sent them on their way... Still holding the butcher knife...

So, I think I made just a really spectacular impression.....Cussing at pigs, yelling at kids and coming out to meet them with a butcher knife. I'm sure they will be calling to invite us over to BBQ or hang out any moment . I just know it.

Maybe someday I will make some friends....Or not.

Probably not.


Happy fourth of July!!!


Anonymous said...

OMy! That is funny and just Murphy's Law! Make them a "sorry my dog visited your party basket." Complete with eggs, veggies and maybe something canned? If they witnessed all of those "bad" times - they are bound to have seen some "great" times :). I would love to be your neighbor again! Miss you :) Ann :)

Camille said...

Great idea, Ann. : )

I sure do miss you as well. I would love to be your neighbor again. You were always such a great inspiration. From gardening to dealing with deployments. You filled (and continue to fill) my bucket very much.


Tina said...

Oh, Camille. I loved this post. I laughed to tears. You, a butcher knife and melodies of Mr. Rogers will remain in my mind all day :)